Time

In January of 2015, the General Manager of the property I worked for had a large sign and an equally impressive countdown clock installed at the door that connected the admin offices to the rest of the property. It said:

…2015…time is of the essence……

work tactfully with a shared sense of purpose…

I was quite pregnant at the time, and this sign and its giant digital numbers stood between the bathrooms and I…so I saw it a lot. It filled me with dread every time I walked under it, or even caught it in the periphery of my sight on the way across the office floor. The worst part, to me, was knowing that these feelings of anxiety I was experiencing were not an unexpected side effect of the sign – they were the sole purpose.

It wasn’t the reason I left my job, but I know that there were 13 days left on the sign when I walked under it for the last time.

Time is a fickle and stubborn thing. It passes whether you “use it” or not, and flows at its own relentless pace. It doesn’t seem to be fairly distributed to anyone and the idea that how you choose to spend your time defines your priorities can feel offensive and shallow; survival doesn’t leave much room for choice and plenty of people spend their time doing little else.

Still, it is a gift. A gift of a precious, non renewable resource that, just like Manna from Heaven, must be received and consumed in faith every day, trusting in a new dawn tomorrow. We can’t throw spare time into a coin purse, nor can we loan it to anyone through any means other than service, and love.

And with the passage of time comes something else extraordinary: change. Inevitable growth, and change.

So if you find yourself frozen, whether it is under solid ice, an unwelcome decision or even an imposing sign, there is comfort in knowing that the sun will rise, and you won’t be stuck forever.

Relationship

There was a time in my life when I wasn’t sure what to do with a relationship that had grown into a comfortable, familiar place. I was, in a way, addicted to the chaos of the wild highs and devastating lows of connection.

As if a relationship wasn’t valid unless it was bounding towards love with hearts and poetry, or cascading over a cliff to a dramatic end; I couldn’t see it unless it was moving.

But most of our lives aren’t mountaintop moments. And while it is certainly true that in a lifelong relationship with anyone or anything there will be joys and sorrows, I think the real gift of love is in the middle- where we likely spend most of our lives – and learning the beauty of being present with each other there.

And I wonder how true that is in a relationship with God. That somewhere between altar calls of unbridled affirmation and unanswered prayers that fold you into great doubt, is the faith where we spend the most of our time.

That the same great God who is with you through the hills and valleys is also on the couch next to you while you surf your phone on a snowy day. As present with you in the middle as anywhere else.

Ashes

“For beauty to come from ashes, something has to burn.”

Emily Freedman

I have been thinking on this phrase a lot today, Ash Wednesday. At the 2020 edition of this service – barely a month after burying our pastor and shortly after welcoming our second interim – we caused quite a blaze in the sanctuary with prayer candles and most people barely batted an eye lash; it was just that kind of year.

But it isn’t always a fire that puts you in a pile of ashes. I was looking at this image tonight and remembering a time almost a year ago when we were desperate to hold on to some pieces of a normal that was slipping further and further away. We had to let it go; we had to let our plans and expectations burn down to get to where we are now.

And Lord knows, none of this is perfect.

But I see some beauty in it now.